What Ethical Non-Monogamy Can Teach Us About ALL Healthy Relationships

Join Marc Almodovar, Founder of the Men's ADHD Support Group, and Kyrus Westcott of The Vibe with Ky as they explore what some think is a taboo subject: Ethical Non-Monogamy.

But here's the thing, this isn't a talk about whether you should practice ethical non-monogamy. It's about what ENM can teach us about communication, boundaries, consent, and intentional relationship design, skills that make every relationship healthier, regardless of structure.

When you can't rely on default relationship scripts, you have to talk about everything. You have to get clear on what you want, what you need, and what your boundaries actually are. That clarity? It's valuable for everyone.

In this conversation, Marc and Kyrus explore:

• Why clear communication beats assumptions every time
• How to identify and communicate your actual needs (not just what you think you're supposed to want)
• The difference between agreements and expectations
• Why boundaries are about you, not controlling someone else
• How to design relationships that actually work for the people in them

You don't need to be interested in ENM to benefit from this. You don't need to agree with it. You're here to learn, not to commit to anything. Take what fits your life and leave the rest.
This is a safe conversation. You're allowed to be curious. You're allowed to feel uncomfortable, excited, confused, or skeptical. All of it belongs here.

Whether you're in a traditional relationship, single, or exploring other options, the relationship skills discussed apply. Because healthy relationships—of any structure—are built on the same foundation: honesty, communication, and intentional choice.

If you're interested in Ky's amazing cologne check it out here -- https://sucreabeille.com/products/why-did-i-walk-into-this-room

If you're interested in following Ky you can check out his website -- https://thevibewithky.com/

Also follow him on all major platforms @vibewithky! 


00:23 - Ky's Background and Achievements
01:49 - Introduction to Ethical Non-Monogamy
03:23 - Understanding Ethical Non-Monogamy
04:56 - Ky's Personal Experience with ADHD and Relationships
11:52 - Exploring Relationship Structures
20:46 - Neurodivergent Traits and Ethical Non-Monogamy
31:10 - Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD) and Jealousy
39:20 - Practical Tools for Managing RSD and Jealousy
41:11 - Reflecting on Fear-Based Stories in Relationships
42:10 - Understanding ADHD Challenges in Relationships
45:11 - Effective Tools for Managing ADHD in Relationships
49:46 - Expressing Vulnerable Feelings and Needs
52:32  - Open Q&A: Navigating Communication and Jealousy
1:03:30 - Balancing Time and Conflict Resolution Strategies

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Transcript

Marc Almodovar: Hi everyone. Welcome to the Men's ADHD Support Group. I am really, really excited for tonight's discussion.

Tonight we have my friend, Kyrus, Wescott, also known simply as Ky, is the creator of Vibe with Ky, a digital platform dedicated to making conversations about ADHD introversion. And mental health more approachable through honesty and humor. With close to 2 million followers across social media, Ky Combines lived experience with storytelling to help adults better understand their minds and embrace who they are.

He has spoken at the White House Creator Economy Summit. That's amazing. The Shimmer, ADHD Growth Summit, and was recognized as one of j JCI USA's, 10 outstanding young Americans. His work focuses on practical tools, compassionate insight, and real talk for navigating ADHD and mental health as an adult.

Learn more at the vibe with Ky.com or follow him on any social media platform at the vibe with Ky. Ky. Welcome to the show. 

Kyrus: Right on. Thank you so much for having me. That was a fantastic introduction. Very nice. Yeah, 

Marc Almodovar: yeah. Shout out to, you and your team for having that written out for me and not leaning on my memory.

And, you know, we obviously had the pleasure of chatting with you on your podcast. And I also got to yap with you on the ADDitude Magazine panel, and that was a ton of fun. And I think we even bumped into each other at a 

Kyrus: movie. Yeah we physically bumped into each other in New York City at a movie premiere.

Marc Almodovar: Yeah, that's Took a fun selfie with the did room available and all that. It was crazy. And yeah. 

Super excited to get into tonight's subject of ethical non-Monogamy. And we're getting into this is a little bit of a sex chat too, which is definitely a fascinating territory to explore. And, you know, one of the things that I, I find extremely interesting is.

With the subject of ethical non-monogamy promoting, this has taught me so much. I have never realized how and I'm sure we're gonna get into this tonight when we talk about like the q and a and whatnot, but how con unnecessarily controversial Yes. This subject could be and how misunderstood it could be.

Kyrus: Yes. 

Marc Almodovar: And I'm sure you're gonna dive into that. I'm sure this team's gonna have questions about that, but I'm really, really fascinated to hear your approach with this and take on the whole subject. And yeah. From there I could just pass it on to you to talk to, just to kick off the discussion on what ethnic phenomenography is and Yeah.

Kyrus: Yeah. It, I think that , it's viewed as taboo and so people are afraid to. Talk about it, let alone live it, obviously. But like, that's one of the main reasons why I love talking about this subject, because I think that there are just so many misconceptions surrounding it. You know, a lot of people are like, oh, this is just another way to cheat on your partner.

And, and it's just not the case. And I want to kind of steer us away from that kind of mindset because that's, it's just not what it is at, at all. So let's dive into it. Thank you everybody for letting me be a part of your evening today. This is one of those things where I always wanna say from the top, like this topic, it's a safe topic.

Like I come into these conversations and I always say to people. You're not expected to know everything. You're not expected to agree even with everything. You're not expected to have your mind made up about anything. You know, this whole thing today is about just being curious and it's okay if you're feeling anxious.

It's okay if you're feeling excited about it, it's okay if you're feeling confused. All of those feelings are valid here and all of that belongs here. So I just wanna make sure that, however you're feeling right now, heading into this conversation, it is a valid way to feel. Ethical non-monogamy is new for a lot of people.

It's not new in life. But it's new for a lot of people. For some people it's new. For others maybe you've read a little bit about it or you heard about it from a friend. Either way, today's session is all about clarity. Right. That's what it's about. This session is about clarity. It's about understanding.

It's about understanding your options. And hopefully you're here to learn. You're not here to commit. You're not here to perform. You're not here to prove anything. You get to just take what fits and for your life and then leave the rest. That's the beauty of this subject matter.

So let's dive into this. First of all, there was a great introduction but lemme take, lemme get dive a little deeper into like who I am and why this specific topic hits home for me. I'm gonna start with the ADHD side. I didn't grow up knowing I had ADHD. I was diagnosed in my mid thirties.

Before that my entire. Relationship history felt like this series of moments that made absolutely no sense, right? I kept asking myself why things, you know, why some things felt harder than they should? Why small misunderstandings hit my nervous system all the time? Why? Why I would often shut down sometimes during conflict.

Why I forgot agreements. Even when I cared about the person, I carried so much shame around those patterns in my life because I thought that meant that I was failing at something that everyone else understood. Naturally after my diagnosis, a lot of those patterns kind of started to click into place for me.

I felt like someone handed me like a pair of glasses. I could look back at my old relationships and see exactly where my brain was overwhelmed. I could see where the emotional intensity took over. I could see the moments where I tried to be the version of myself I thought I was supposed to be instead of the version of myself that I actually was.

I say that because I've also lived in polyamorous relationships in the past. I'm not in one right now at the moment. I, it's just me and my two cats. But, but I have learned from real experience, right? And some of those lessons came some of the lessons came from these beautiful moments where communication felt strong and it felt honest.

And some of the lessons not only came from that, but it also came from the hard moments where my ADHD symptoms crashed into the quote structure. And everything got overwhelming. And that relationship taught me a lot about how much clarity matters, how much direct communication matters, how much honesty with yourself.

Matters how much naming your needs matters. I care about this topic because men with ADHD often move through relationships with confusion that not a lot of people talk about. A lot of times, men, we look calm or tough from the outside. But on the inside we're still trying to sort through this this fear of rejection.

This, this time blindness, this emotional intensity, this struggle that we have with things like our working memory. A lot of us, we care deeply, but the way that our brain processes relationships is different. And that difference doesn't make us broken. That difference just needs understanding and structure and not shame.

So as I'm talking to you today, I'm gonna ask you a few questions and you don't have to answer it right away. You may not have the answer, but it's just something I want you to think about. And the first question I'm gonna ask is it probably fits more of you than you think, right? I want you to just take a moment and let, and think to yourself if you've ever felt confused by your own reactions in a relationship.

Lord knows I I've been there, right? And I'm sure a lot of you are probably thinking yes, that there's been times that you've been so incredibly confused, right? That right there is proof that nothing about you is strange or isolated. That confusion is shared by so many men with ADHD. And so I just, I wanted to ask that because I just want you to know that you're in good company tonight.

So, before we dive into anything deeper, I wanna set the frame for tonight. And this part matters because the last thing I want is for anybody that's watching this to feel pressured or pushed in any direction. You are not expected to practice ethical non-monogamy after this session, right?

This is not a recruitment section, right? This is not persuasion. This is not a sales pitch for any kind of relationship style. It's not about that, right? Tonight is all about clarity. It's not about conversion. My job today is to give you information and tools and language and insight so that you feel more grounded in your understanding of relationships no matter what structure you live in.

Every relationship cycle is respected here, right? Monogamy is respected, open relationships are respected. Poly relationships are respected. Curiosity is respected. Uncertainty is respected. You get to be exactly who you are without judgment, no matter where you are. When it comes to relationships, everything that I talk about today is educational.

It's not prescriptive. Nothing here tells you what you should do. Again, I just want to talk about options. I want to give you awareness. I want give you a better understanding of why your brain responds the way that it does. In relationships, you decide what fits your life. You decide what aligns with your values.

You decide what stays and what goes. So I invite you to stay open, to stay curious, and if a topic makes you tense today, breathe and stay with it. If something feels new, give yourself permission to explore it without commitment. And if something does not, fit your identity or values, that's okay.

Let it pass. You get to walk through this space with your shoulders relaxed and your guard down. 'cause again, tonight is about understanding and connection, not about pressure or performance. I put a lot of emphasis on this because again, as men, we sometimes just have this expectation of people put on us sometimes of who we should be, what we should be, and why and how.

And so we have these walls up as men. So that's why you're gonna hear me validate your feelings a lot today, because that's really important, right? So let me share my screen here. Ooh, yeah, there we go. I think you can see my screen. All right, so let's move. Let's talk about what we're gonna go through today, right?

This is our roadmap right here. I want you to know exactly where we're headed and why each of these sections matter. We're gonna start with the with what ethical nom monogamy is, what it means. We're gonna clear up the basics so nobody feels lost or left behind. You're gonna learn some of the core principles and different structures that people use.

And then from there we'll talk about why neurodivergent men look at this topic with a different lens. ADHD shapes relationships in ways that are rarely explained. So we're gonna, we're gonna name some of those patterns today, and after that we're gonna talk about emotions. RSD, right? Jealousy, fear, insecurity, intensity.

This is a part that many men carry in silence because it feels embarrassing or confusing, and you're gonna hear language for those reactions that will hopefully help you feel a little less overwhelmed. From there, we're gonna move on to communication tools, right?

Real tools, no fluffy ideas or anything like that. Just systems that, that help your brain stay grounded. Scripts that help you speak clearly and structure that helps you show up the way that you want to show up. And at the end, we're gonna talk about new relationship energy, which is basically like a high dopamine whirlwind that hits hard for people with ADHD.

And you're gonna learn how to notice it and manage it without hurting existing relationships. Right? And finally, we're gonna end with next steps. Nothing pressured, nothing heavy. You're just gonna leave with clarity and practical direction.

What does it mean? What does ethical non-monogamy mean? Ethical non-monogamy is one of those topics like I, I feel like people hear about, but the definition often gets twisted by jokes and stereotypes and fear-based stories. So before we go any anywhere else, I want to lay the foundation in a very clear way.

You see four words on this slide. Honesty, consent, communication, responsibility. These are the four pillars that make ethical, non-monogamy, healthy and respectful. If one of these four breaks, the entire structure breaks. If these four stay strong, then the structure stays grounded. So let's walk through them one at a time.

Let's start with honesty. Honesty means everyone knows what is happening. Nobody is in the dark, nobody's guessing, nobody is being misled. There are no secret conversations or hidden side situations, right? Honesty is the difference between ethical, non-monogamy and cheating. I'm gonna say that louder for the people in the back 'cause that's important.

Honesty is the difference between ethical, non-monogamy and cheating. One involves clarity. The other involves deception. They are not the same thing. After honesty, we have consent. Consent means every person involved agrees to the structure from a place of comfort and choice, not fear, not pressure, not guilt, not, oh, I guess I need to say yes, to keep the relationship kind of energy, like, no, absolutely not.

Real consent feels steady. Real consent feels voluntary. Real consent feels like people understand the structure and choose it with a clear mind. After consent, we have communication. Communication means people talk through expectations. They talk through boundaries. They talk through feelings, and they update each other.

Not perfect communication because nobody has that in any type of relationship, right? This is intentional communication, direct communication, honest communication before something happens. Communication during the experience, communication after the experience, communication that honors everyone's emotional reality.

And then finally, you have responsibility. Responsibility means you follow through on the agreements you create. You take ownership of your emotional reactions. You stay aware of the impact that your choices have on partners. You do not rely on others to manage your feelings. You do your part.

Responsibility keeps the structure stable during some of the hardest moments. Now when these four pieces work together, ethical non-monogamy becomes a clear, steady system instead of confusing or a chaotic one. These four pieces are the reason that many people feel grounded in ethical non-monogamy. Then in traditional relationships, there's structure, there's expectations, there's a shared understanding.

There's less guesswork. So as we move through this session, I want you to keep these four words close, write 'em down if you can. Honesty, consent, communication, responsibility. Everything else grows from these pillars. Without them, the structure collapses, and with them you have clarity, stability, and respect.

What I find really funny. Is that we're having this conversation about honesty, consent, communication, and responsibility when it comes to ethical non-monogamy. But all of this applies to monogamous relationships too. They're not as far apart as people may realize. 'cause there isn't a single damn thing that I've said in the last five minutes that can't be applied to quote normal relationships, to quote traditional relationships.

All of it applies, but of course today we talk about ethical non-monogamy. You don't want me to go on a rant about traditional relationships. That's for another, that's for another time. Let's move on to structure here.

There are a lot of different structures that you might see under the ethical non-monogamy umbrella, right? There's so many. The four that you see on the screen are ones that I think people run into the most, right? They look similar on the surface, but they describe very, very different experiences.

So I made the slide to keep it as simple as possible, and I'm gonna walk through them in plain language here. Start with polyamory. Polyamory refers to having more than one romantic relationship with openness, depth and intention. Emotional connection is central here. People build long-term bonds.

They make plans and form real partnerships. Open relationships usually start with a main couple who stay committed to each other while allowing sexual connections outside of the relationship. There's often less focus on romance outside of the main partnership, and more focus on exploring a physical connection.

Next you have swinging. Swinging is usually focused on shared experiences as a couple with other couples or individuals. It is more of a social it's more of like a social experiment as more of a social experience, I should say, and a sexual experience rather than a romantic one. I want you to think of it as a recreational activity.

Couples do kind of like pickleball, right? That's a little bit different. So it's a little bit, like a recreational activity that couples will do together. And then let, lastly you have relationship anarchy. Relationship anarchy removes the hierarchy from relationships entirely.

No labels, no assumptions, no built-in expectations. Just every connection is shaped uniquely by the people involved. People design each relationship on its own terms rather than following a predefined path. So these are the big four, right? Not every relationship fits neatly into these categories, but these help us kind of speak the same language tonight.

Now, I want to gauge the room for a second, right? And I'm curious, as you're looking at these, if there's any of them that you may have heard of before, some that you may may be new to you, whatever it may be. I just wanna take a moment and think about what you do know about each of these, and why don't do that?

Let's go into some neurodivergent traits here, right? When it comes to ethical non-monogamy, 'cause I think this is important. I want to take a moment and talk about how this comes into play for neurodivergent men, right? There's a lot of men, there's a lot of neurodivergent men that look at ethical non-monogamy through a different lens, right?

This is something people rarely explain, and once you hear it, the pieces kind of start lining up in a way that feels a little steady. The first piece is autonomy, right? People with ADHD tend to value freedom in a deep way, not freedom from commitment, right? Freedom from unspoken rules, rigid expectations, right?

Freedom from structure, right? Structures that feel a little outdated and enforced, right? Ethical non-monogamy appeals to so many different neurodivergent people because it gives space for individuality. You get to design connection instead of inheriting it, so you have autonomy.

The second piece is a lot of neurodivergent, people are often questioning norms, right? Many of us grew up wondering why certain social rules existed in the first place. We were kids asking why things needed to be done in a certain way. That trait, it doesn't disappear from adulthood, ethical, non-monogamy.

It fits naturally into a mindset whether you prefer to think of yourself rather than accept something. The third piece is preference for clarity, right? ADHD brains, we don't like guesswork, right? So when expectations feel vague, we spiral.

When communication is unclear, we feel blanks with fear. Ethical non-monogamy often involves more honest and explicit communication. Then traditional relationships, which brings comfort for people who want directness over assumptions, right? So first we had autonomy. Next we have questioning norms. Third piece, we had clarity.

And then fourth piece is masking relief. A lot of people spent years pretending to be more organized, right? More organized, more calm, more social, or more emotionally steady than we felt on the inside. And so masking drains, you ethical non-monogamy communities tend to be a little bit more accepting of neurodivergent traits, right?

So you don't have to pretend you don't have to perform, you don't have to hide the way that your brain works. That relief is powerful. So these traits don't mean that every neurodivergent person wants ethical non-monogamy. They just simply explain why the structure feels natural.

For some it aligns with values and needs that already exist within the neurodivergent experience. Right? Okay. Let's talk about my personal connection to this, because I want, I, I wanna share a little bit more about my own experience here, because I think that personal context kind of helps us all feel a little bit, makes us all feel a little bit more real than, than theoretical, right?

There were a lot of years where masking drained me without realizing how much energy it cost, right? I tried to look calm when my brain felt scattered. I tried to look confident when I felt overwhelmed. I tried to look easygoing during moments where emotions were running twice as fast as the conversation, and that kind of masking it eats away at you, right?

You start feeling like the real version of yourself is too much or too confusing for people to handle. What surprised me the most when I stepped into ethical non-monogamy was the relief that I felt when people allowed space for my actual energy and pace. I didn't have to hide the speed of my brain.

I didn't have to pretend that I processed emotion slowly or neatly. The people that I dated were open to honest conversations about ADHD and how it shaped my reactions, and that space made a difference in, in how I felt, how, in how safe that I felt in these relationships. The structure of ethical non-monogamy also changed communication for me.

The expectation for clear discussion made things easier. Having agreements even written down, made things easier. Talking openly about schedules and feelings and boundaries that made things easier. I didn't have to read between the lines. I didn't have to guess. The structure helped me show up with more honesty and more consistency, and at the same time, ADHD added both beauty and difficulty to that experience, right?

My, my curiosity, my enthusiasm my ability to connect deeply, it helped me build these really meaningful relationships. Those were the most beautiful parts. The challenging parts came from the emotional intensity and things like time blindness, right? Moments where my focus would shift very quickly.

Moments where my working memory would slip, moments where I reacted strongly, even when I didn't want to. So for me, ethical non-monogamy was not perfect, and it wasn't, it's not flawless. It was a space where my traits showed up. Clearly, some moments taught me new strengths. Some moments taught me where I needed support, but either way, it gave me a better understanding of myself and the way that I move through connection.

If any of that part sounds familiar, again, you're in the right room today. So again, I wanna bring your, I wanna bring your thoughts into the room here, right? And I wanna understand you a little bit more, right? I want you to think about your past relationships for a moment, not to judge yourself, not to beat yourself up, only to notice what felt harder.

Then people around you seem to experience. I'm gonna ask you a question here. When you think about past relationships, which part felt hardest to manage with ADHD? Was it the communication? Was it jealousy? Was it follow through? Was it time management? Was it emotional intensity? Was it all of the above?

Was it something completely different? I want you to just take a moment and think that through. I wanna repeat that just in case you need it. When you think about your past relationships, which part felt hardest to manage with ADHD communication, jealousy, follow through time management, emotional intensity.

All the above or something else. Now, if you said communication that comes up for a lot of men with ADHD, we lose the thread. We forget important details. We react before we want to, we freeze during conflict. Again, none of that means that you're broken. It just means that your brain processes information a different way.

If you said jealousy or emotional intensity, right? Jealousy and emotional intensity are very common because our nervous system reacts fast, faster than the situation sometimes faster than we want, faster than our partner can understand. And that intensity does not mean something is wrong with you.

It means that your emotional system fires quickly and it fires strongly. If you said time management, time management is tough because our internal clock runs a different way. Of us with a DH, adhd, we live in the ADHD time zone, right? We lose track of minutes. We lose track of hours. We think we have more time than we do, right?

In relationships that leads to missed plans. That means to showing up late to a date. That leads to fear of people. Fear of what people think that we or think that that we don't care, right? If you said follow through, follow through becomes a challenge. When the excitement fades or your executive functioning hits a wall, you care deeply, you do.

But tasks fall apart once the dopamine drops, and that creates misunderstandings that hurt on both sides. Now, if you said all of the above, hmm. Welcome to the world of ADHD that is very honest and very normal. And if you said something else right, make sure you name that experience right. It doesn't have to fit neatly on this list, but name it and understand that ADHD shapes relationships in so many ways.

And no matter what you name it, it matters. Even if it looks a little bit different than somebody else. Everything that you're thinking in this moment, it makes sense. None of it makes you strange or difficult, right? These patterns show up in, in many men with ADHD, and that's why we're talking about ethical non monogamies snip, not because it's a solution, but because it gives us a way to understand our needs, our reactions, and our relationship patterns with a little bit more clarity and a little less shame.

I just wanna read some of the comments that, that we're getting right now. Right? I'm here for the cats. Me too. Every day I'm leaving the Sex Talk in as an outtake, as you should, Shane. Absolutely. You better be in there. Communication need for difference in intimacy, sex, emotional intensity. Yes.

When the tasks fall apart, it leaves my true intention in a misunderstood place. Seems like I don't care, but I do. Absolutely, absolutely. 125000000% there. So let's talk about something that.

Many men with ADHD experience, but rarely name, and that's RSD, also known as rejection sensitive dysphoria. This is one of the I think, misunderstood parts of ADHD, and it has a huge impact on how we show up in relationships, right? RSD is an intense emotional reaction to a real or perceived rejection, right?

The key word here is perceived right? Your brain sees a small change in tone, a delayed text, a pause in conversation, or a partner sounding tired, and it feels like a threat. The reaction inside your chest hits fast, it feels sharp, it feels sudden, and it feels bigger than the situation when you live with RSD.

Rejection does not feel like disappointment. It feels like danger. Your nervous system fires before your logic has a chance to catch up. You might pull back, you might shut down. You might get defensive, you might get loud, you might overexplain, you might apologize for things that did not happen. You panic, you sometimes might even panic, right?

When you're trying to like, look calm on the, on, on the outside, right? None of those reactions come from weakness. They come from a sensitive emotional system that, that fires at full volume. RSD makes small moments feel personal even when nobody meant harm. And it makes you question your place in somebody's life.

It makes you doubt your worth. It makes you, it makes harmless comments feel like clues that something is wrong. RSD also affects secure moments, right? A partner showing affection feels amazing, but the moment that you sense distance, your brain jumps to the worst case scenario. When we talk about ethical non-monogamy, we cannot ignore RSD.

Multiple relationships bring more moments where misunderstanding or insecurity might happen. That means that your emotional system gets more chances to fire. That's why awareness matters. You're not overreacting. Your brain, again, is reacting very quick, quickly, and very deeply. So once you understand RSD, the emotional spikes start to make a little bit more sense, and you can slow them down.

You can start to name what is happening, and you can communicate from a grounded place instead of communicating from a place of panic. This part of the session is not about understanding or it is about understanding, I should say. Right? It's not about judgment. It's not about shame, it's about understanding.

Another thing I wanna highlight here is jealousy when we have this conversation, right, jealousy is one of the most common emotions that people bring to any relationship. It shows up in monogamous relationships. It shows up in ethical non-monogamy. It shows up even when everything is going well.

Jealousy does not mean something is wrong with you, it just means something inside You wants safety and connection. So on this slide right here, you see four parts of jealousy that come up often for men with ADHD. The first one is fear of loss. When someone means something to you, the thought of losing them hit your nervous system very fast.

You feel that rush in your stomach, the tension in your chest, the noise in your mind, and that fear does not always match the situation, and the reaction feels real. The second part is the fear of being replaced. ADHD can make comparison feel very intense because our emotional systems move very quickly.

If your partner connects with someone else, your brain might jump to that fear, even if the connection is safe, healthy and honest. The third part is fear of not being enough. ADHD often comes with years of internalized criticism, comes with years of mist tasks and, and miscues moments where we felt misunderstood.

All of that stuff adds up, right? So when someone else enters the picture, even in an ethical non-monogamy structure, old fears can resurface. It's not about the other person. It's about the story that your brain has learned to tell.

And the fourth part. Fear of reduced time. Things like time blindness and emotional intensity that can make attention from your partner truly feel like oxygen, right? When their time shifts. Your nervous system fuel the change before your logic can understand it, and that shift can feel like rejection, even when it's not.

Jealousy is not a single emotion, it is a bundle of fears. Once you break it into pieces, it becomes easier to work with. You stop treating jealousy like a flaw. You start treating it like information. Your emotional system is signaling a need, a need for reassurance, a need for clarity, a need for connection.

When you slow jealousy down and name the pieces, you take the intensity out of it, you move from panic. To awareness, and awareness is where you build healthy relationships.

When we bring rejection sensitivity into ethical non-monogamy, the emotional landscape, it changes a little. Let's be real, right? RSD is already intense in, in one-on-one relationships add more connections, more conversations, more schedules, more moving parts, and your emotional system gets so many chances to fire.

So here's what I want you to hear very clearly. That intensity is normal. You are not too much, you are not dramatic, you are not broken. Your brain is just reacting fast and strong and ethical. Non-monogamy creates more moments where those reactions might be triggered. That does not mean that the story in your head is true.

When RSD meets ethical non-monogamy, that spike. Might happen when your partner goes out on a date or when they talk about somebody new or when the plans shift or when they come home excited. It might also happen sometimes when your own feelings shift towards a new partner. That part can surprise people.

You can feel intense guilt for enjoying a connection and worry that you're hurting somebody that you really care about. All of that is part of the experience for so many neurodivergent people. Ethical, non-monogamy. It does not ask you to remove jealousy or fear. It just asks you to communicate through it.

I wanna repeat that 'cause it's, that's super important. Ethical non-monogamy does not ask you to remove jealousy or fear. It asks you to communicate through it. It asks you to name your reactions instead of hiding them, it asks you to build agreements that help you stay grounded. It asks you to slow your thoughts down, so they don't run ahead of reality.

RSD becomes a lot easier to manage when you understand it, when you see the spike as a signal and not a verdict. It helps when you talk about your needs before your emotions take over, when you, when your partners understand how your brain works and when you have tools that, that help you regulate before you react.

The goal is not to erase the intensity. You are an emotionally deep person, and that is part of what makes your relationships rich and meaningful, right? The goal is to make the intensity easier to navigate, so it does not, so it doesn't control you or shape the story of you.

So now that we've talked about what RSD and jealousy looks like, I wanna give you some like practical tools here that'll help slow those reactions down. These are tools that I use myself, right? These are tools that so many people with ADHD use because they give you time to breathe, to think, to choose your response.

All of that, instead of reacting from fear, the first tool is to simply name the story. When your brain jumps to a fear-based conclusion, you say it out loud and you write it down, not because the story is true, because the moment you name it, you separate yourself from it. The story stops running you and you start observing it.

The second tool is asking for clarity. Many emotional spikes come from confusion Instead of guessing or spiraling, you ask for information. You ask what someone meant. You ask how somebody feels. You ask what the plan is. Clarity reduces fear. The third tool is planning reassurance. People with RSD feel safer when reassurance is clear.

They feel safer when reassurance is predictable when it's agreed upon. You can build small reassurance practices into your relationship. I'm talking things like quick check-ins, short updates or a text. When plans shift, a moment of connection before a date. Consistent reassurance, it helps to build the trust.

And the fourth tool is working with facts. Facts helps slow emotion. Facts anchor you in reality. Facts interrupt the fear narrative. When you list the facts, you see the difference between what is happening and what your brain fears is happening.

I want you to just take a moment and just let that sink in for a moment. Let that sink in. And I want you to think about, maybe think about a fear based story that your brain tells you in relationship sometimes, right?

Right. Just take a couple seconds to think about that. Right. Write down a fear that you've had in a relationship, and then write down what the fact of it was. Right. No emotion, no fear, only facts. The facts that you know for sure. This exercise, it's not to, it's not to fix jealousy or RSD, but it's to give you grounding.

It. It's to help you see the difference between reaction and reality. And the more you practice this, the easier it becomes to slow the emotional spike and choose a healthier response. Again, this skill is powerful for any relationship style, not just ENM. It's especially helpful for an ethical non-monogamy, right?

But it's good for every relationship. I'll give you a couple seconds just to think that through.

Now I want to talk about the ADHD side of this for a second, right? Not, and I'm not talking about like the ADHD cute, funny A DH ADHD moments, right? I'm talking about the real relationships challenges that many of us deal with. The stuff that nobody explained to us growing up, the stuff that shaped our relationships, even when we didn't know ADHD was a part of the picture.

The first one I wanna talk about is things like time blindness, right? This is not poor planning. This is not laziness, this is not disrespect. This is ADHD. Again, our internal clock does not track time the way that most people expect it to. So five minutes feels like 40 minutes. You think you have more time than you do.

You miss the window without realizing it. In relationships, this shows up as running running late, losing track of shared plans, underestimating how long something will take. That guilt, it's real. The frustrations on both sides is real and it has nothing to do with how much you care. The second challenge is working memory gaps, right?

Working memory is your brain's mental whiteboard, I call it, right? And people with ADHD are mental whiteboard. It's a little smudged to say the least, right Information is slips fast. Even things that you care about is gonna slip outta your brain sometimes, and your partner might say something meaningful and you lose the details even though the emotion stayed with you.

You might forget agreements unless they were written down somewhere. You might lose the thread midweek. You might remember the vibe, but not the specifics. That does not make you unreliable. It just means that your brain needs some external support. The third challenge is avoiding conflict.

A lot of men with ADHD avoid hard conversations because conflict feels overwhelming to the nervous system. The minute that tension shows up, you shut down, you postpone the talk, you overexplain you, you pretend everything is fine, not because you don't care, right? Because your system is trying to protect you from emotional overload.

Meanwhile, your partner thinks that you're ignoring the issue. Two different experiences, same situation.

A lot of these challenges are very real, right? They affect communic connection, right? They affect communication. They affect trust, they affect you emotionally because you do care. ADHD. It brings strengths, but it also brings a lot of friction points that need structure and support and awareness.

And when we name these challenges openly, shame moves out of the way and understanding starts to move in. You're not alone in this experience, right? You are someone who, again, your brain is just working a little bit differently and relationships get healthier when you know how to work with that difference instead of fighting against it.

Now that we, we named some of the ADHD challenges, I do wanna walk you through some tools on that can actually help, right? Some tools that I try to use in my own relationships and tools that, that can make that daily connection a little bit easier, right? And a little less stressful for everybody involved in including your partner.

The first thing I like to do is especially if you're in an ethical, non monogamous relationship I'm talking daily, weekly check-ins, right? A simple scheduled conversation. It could be 10 or 15 minutes, same time each week, same time each day where you talk about your feelings, your updates, your plans, any friction that you felt the last time that you talked since the last time that you talked, right?

That, and this kind of helps prevent tension from building and it gives structure to the communication. In a past relationship, weekly check-ins and stuff. It saved us it saved us, my, my partner and I during very busy months, right? We didn't wait for problems to explode. We talked through small things before they turned into big things.

So things don't kind of, get built up. The second tool is you can, it's okay to write things down. I'm not talking like contractually, but it's good to write things down, like these written agreements. It's not to make things like formal, right? It's just again about clarity. You write things down that both you and your partner agree on.

Not as rules, but just more as like shared expectations. My partner and I we wrote things down. We wrote down our expectations in what do you call it? In a notes app on on our phone. 'cause we both had iPhones and you can share a notes app, right? So we simply wrote down our expectations in the notes app and we shared that notes app with each other, right?

And it made everything easier because I didn't have to rely on, my working memory and moments where stress made recall next to impossible, right? So yeah, so things like those written agreements shared notes, right? Like that kind of goes hand in hand with what I just said. Like sometimes people will do, I've seen people do Word documents, like a Google Doc where you can do that as well.

Again, it's not to make it sound like a contractual agreement, it's all about setting expectations and to keep everybody on the same page. The next tool is TONE guidelines, right? This is a big one because people with ADHD often misread tone or react strongly to small shifts, right? So you and your partner can agree on how to speak during important conversations, slow pace, direct language short sentences, no sarcasm, no raised voices, and you create a tone that helps support calm instead of overwhelm.

And the fifth thing that, that I recommend is is to pause, right? Is to pause. And I call it pause and return. I call it the pause and return technique, right? When emotions spike, you pause, you say something like, I feel overwhelmed, and will return to this conversation. Then you step away and you regulate.

After you recover, you return. No disappearing, no stonewalling, just a clear pause and a clear return. I had to learn this the hard way after shutting down in, in several past conversations with a partner, but pausing helped me come back grounded instead of reactive. Another tool that you can use is my therapist was talking to me about this.

It's the repeat back the need technique, and I love this one, right? When your partner shares something important, you simply repeat the main point in your own words, back to them. Not in a robotic way, just in a grounded way, right? So if they're like, I really want you to go to sleep when I go to sleep.

Don't be like, you want me to go to sleep when I go to like, no. Like genuinely repeat it back in a grounded, genuine way. So, if your partner says, I want more consistency or something like that, right? You could say back to them, okay, so the main thing that you need from me right now is consistency with plans or the main thing that you want me to understand is that you, you feel disconnected when communication drops, right?

This keeps the thread in your hands and it helps prevent misunderstandings. So things like that. They're simple, but they make a huge difference. They give your brain structure, they give your partner clarity, and they give your relationship steady foundation. When connection feels steady, everything else becomes easier to handle.

Again, this is really important for things like ethical nom monogamy, right? Because you're already dealing with a lot on your own and now you're throwing in some other things as well. You need to make sure that you have a steady foundation to stand on.

I wanna ask you another question or, I want another exercise that I want you to do, right? I want you to just think of just, and you can write it down if you want. You can type it in, whatever it may be. I just want you to think of one line that you struggle to say during conversations, right?

A sentence that you want to express, but feel nervous to say, right. Nothing. It doesn't have to be super personal, something, pretty general. Like, so some examples are one that some things that I struggle with is saying things like, I need time, or I feel insecure, or you know what?

I forgot what we agreed on, you know? I suck a signal. Absolutely. I do too. It's, oh my God, I suck it. I suck it very, very, very much. I'm with you there. Right? There's a lot of strong ones there, right? Everything that you're thinking, that you're writing down, that you're sharing right now is, it's real, right?

I feel nervous to say that a comment bothered me, makes me feel overly sensitive when I'm just human. Yes, absolutely. Mm-hmm. These, see, these are the kind of things that, that many men with ADHD struggle to express because the moment feels too intense or it feels too vulnerable, right? So just to give some examples, and these are things that my therapist and I shared with shared with me because, you know, so if I say if I, like, for example, if I struggle with saying I need more time for something, right?

I say things like, Hey. I feel overwhelmed, and I need a moment to slow down so I can respond with clarity, right? I do that because that like will remove the panic and it's gonna add intention, right? Or if you say things like like, I'm afraid that you'll be upset with me. Sometimes people are afraid to say that, right?

You could say something like, I wanna share something, but I'm worried about how it will land with you. I wanna talk through it with care. You know? Again, try to think of it that way. The like, again, the goal isn't perfection. The goal is clarity. You take the emotional weight out of the sentence and you replace it with steady, honest versions that support connection instead of tension, right?

This is one of the most powerful skills that you could build. When you change the way that you express a need, you change the way the conversation moves and you give your partner a clear path to understand you, and you give yourself space to stay grounded rather than overwhelmed. Right. Gosh, there's so much so much.

I wanna talk about a lot of different things here, but actually what I wanna do is I wanna open it up to any specific questions. 'cause I know that, I know I've been throwing a lot at you guys, and I'm very curious if anybody is like, has any specific con questions that they want to ask at the moment.

I'm more than happy to answer.

Marc Almodovar: Yeah, I guess I'll go first with this. Yeah. First of all, this has been a wealth of information. I think I've been jumping into the Zoom chat here and there. And by the way, I feel bad. We misled everybody. We said that the event was kind a little bit.

We know that we'd get special visitors. Your cat. It's, I know. 

Kyrus: I just like on another planet today, I don't know what's happening with them. They like, it's so weird. But anyway. 

Marc Almodovar: No, it's great. We love it. But one of the things that I loved is like the concept of sharing notes. With your partner mm-hmm. And everything like that. And you kind of touched on, on what I'm gonna ask already, but one of the things that we really struggle with as men with ADHD is the concept of communication. Like, what do you mean I'm supposed to communicate that something bothered me, right? Mm-hmm. Or what do you mean? I'm supposed to communicate that, with something like sex for example, like Shane had brought up here. Like the need for like stimulation and different things and experimenting and everything like that.

Like a lot, like there, there are a lot of us that still have that years and years of like toxic masculinity, that, that kind of tells us that it's not okay to feel that way or communicate those type of things. Mm-hmm. I guess, how do you take that? How do you challenge that unhealthy mindset that unfortunately so many of us have been programmed to 

Kyrus: believe, it's hard because again, we're so conditioned to, to live a certain way and to behave a certain way.

Like there's like these certain expectations. And I think it comes back to

I think it's, I think we need to normalize first, right? We need to normalize that this is a struggle, right? Communication is not like this skillset that you just magically get out of nowhere, right? Communication. It's something that you gotta build and your brain is not built to hold every single detail.

So things like shared notes, like, I love it because it's a support tool. And using tools is not a weakness, it's a strategy, right? I sometimes will tell people to reframe communication as leadership, right? I think that clear communication is not emotional labor.

It's leadership. It's a responsibility. It's respect. And if you wanna show up as as a reliable partner, then you use the tools that will help you follow through with that. You can also break communication into like concrete actions, right? So like sometimes people will tell men, oh, just communicate better, and that's vague, right?

And it feels like judgment. So, I think that sometimes as men we can approach it by just sharing options that people have, you know, maybe it's like one, one of my ex, one of the things that was really reassuring for her was to have the read receipts, the red receipts on like on your, when you're texting, it's so small.

But it was really, really helpful for the communication, especially on my end, because like, if she saw that I read something and didn't reply, like again, that puts a more responsibility on me to communicate better. And so I hate to say it was gamified, but like, it truly was a helpful thing.

So, and then I think the last thing is to, I guess make it, make the tools that we utilize for communication. Masculine safe. Right? So like, and by that I mean reframe it, right? So instead of like, it's not about feelings, it's about clarity. It's not about emotion, it's about teamwork. It's not about performing, it's about aligning.

You know, like things like that. I know it sounds 

Marc Almodovar: So you can also put the weightlifting emoji next to everything. Exactly. 

Kyrus: Exactly. You know, so I think that men in general often engage more when the language removes shame and pressure, if that makes sense. 

Marc Almodovar: Totally. Cool. Mm-hmm. Shane? 

Shane: Yeah. So you had talked about the part about jealousy and it really resonated with me.

Mm-hmm. One of the things that really struck me whenever I was, you know, trying to explore and understand more about my own issues with jealousy now. When I first started really exploring it, it was like the misogynistic viewpoint of ownership, right? I own this person, they are mine, nobody else can have them.

That was the kinda language that was in my head. But whenever I started really exploring it, I started really understanding that jealousy was more of the insecurity you raised all the various questions that really like strikes to the nerve of what my jealousy was my fear, my fear that I'm not gonna have the time with this person, my fear that I am going to lose them to somebody else.

And I had a friend of mine who really turned it around for me and it was just like, if you're communicating, if you're being honest, if you're with the person and they are able to reassure you, what does that look like? What can they say to you? If somebody can say something to you to take away a lot of those fears, like you said, with the other thing, you know, facing it with facts that really resonated with me and that was really along the same lines of what they had told me.

So I really appreciated that. I just wanted to say that. 

Kyrus: Yeah. 

Shane: Yeah. I think, I think that's important 

Kyrus: to highlight, especially in ethical non-monogamy because especially from a male perspective, like we, we have to acknowledge like something real here, right? A lot of men, we were just never taught how to talk about jealousy.

I think that we were taught to hide it to swallow it to sometimes even turn it into anger. And actually I 

Shane: was 

Kyrus: taught to celebrate 

Shane: it. Yeah. I mean, you should be jealous about this thing. Oh, sure, sure. 'cause this thing is happening. Why aren't you jealous? You plunk. Mm-hmm. Are you insane? Are you some sort of soy boy or Yes.

How beta of you for you to let you know, to let your partner do stuff like, oh my God, sorry. Absolutely. 

Kyrus: Yeah. No, but it's true that like we, we were so many times we weren't taught to understand it in a healthy way, you know? And I think that, that for jealousy the being able to openly communicate how you're feeling, like gel jealousy, it becomes a story that your brain kind of like writes in silence, and then the story ends up becoming worse than what the actual truth is.

And no matter how you react to it. Your brain is writing one story. But the truth is something else. And we sometimes will develop these unhealthy coping mechanisms because of it. And things like communication and honesty are kind of like the antidote to those stories, right? When you're able to just clearly communicate to your partner, I'm feeling insecure right now, or I need clarity.

Or I'm having an emotional reaction and it doesn't seem like a logical reaction, or I need reassurance. That's a big one for me, is I often tell my partners, Hey, listen, I just need reassurance, you know? And like, I used to stop myself 'cause I'm like, oh man, Ky, you sound so freaking needy.

But like, my for my partner, there's nothing better than like a, like when a partner just randomly will text me and be like, Hey, love you. Or thinking of you, like little things like that. Like it, that reassurance helps quell any sort of jealousy that I'll get that I, they might, that I might possibly get.

Shane: Yeah. Another thing I learned, and I want to kind of get your opinion on this, 'cause you may have a different one on this one. Another thing that ethical non-monogamy taught me is that this this concept of what a successful relationship is. And I loved it because, you know, for me growing up, like we always celebrated the grandparents who went 30, 40, 50 years married and everything like that.

And I had a girl talk to me one time and she goes, look, what I think about is relationships is one where both people walk away happily and like having grown, whether or not that's a one night stand or 30 years down the road. And I'm gonna tell you right now, that was one of those moments for me. Yeah.

What's your thoughts on that? 

Kyrus: It's funny you say that 'cause I had a very, very similar conversation with somebody recently. 'cause they had brought up length of time together as a KPI for success in a relationship. Like, as in they said, oh, well my, my relationship wasn't successful because, you know, we didn't last as long as my parents did.

You know, like, like little things like that. And it got, and we got to thinking like. I was like, well, I don't think time together is a KPI for that. 'cause I think that you can learn a lot from a relationship, whether it's for one minute or for, 100 years. But the conversation turned into, okay, what does a successful relationship actually look like?

And to me, at least a successful relationship is any relationship where the people involved, feel respected, heard, valued, and supported. Right. A relationship where you can show up without fear where communication is honest, even when it's uncomfortable. And whether it's a traditional relationship or a non-monogamous one, like it, it doesn't matter.

Obviously, depending on who you ask, you might ask somebody. They're like, well, a traditional relationship, one partner, shared commitment, you know, but that kind of thing. But I think it's all the same, I think that all the people involved need to feel understood and cared for.

And whether it's traditional or non-traditional, whether it's exclusive or not exclusive, I think that structure doesn't make it strong. I think that the people do, and people are the ones who are communicating with each other.

Shane: I love it. Love it. Kristian, did you have something? 

Kristian: Yeah, I was thinking, guy, I was thinking like, don't bring your relationship to work.

Bring work to your relationship. 

Alexa: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. 

Kyrus: Mm-hmm. 

Alexa: Yes. 

Kristian: Yes. 

Kyrus: I love that. Mm-hmm. 

Kristian: So my question, okay, so I guess preamble I have an anchor. I live with my, I have a nesting anchor partner. We were dating within a church structure a decade ago than broke up and then got back together and was like, let's be non-monogamous.

So it was allowed us to have a lot more vocabulary for how we experience our feelings 

so I guess I had two thoughts. One was kind of like, how do you navigate? You had talked about time earlier, right? And talked. We know ADHD. Like that's that's our thing. When you're with, how do you navigate time for your how do you navigate time with o like others and time for oneself?

'cause I feel like I can often get lost. I'm easily lost into somebody else. But I think what's cool about non-monogamy is that I'm like super conscious, but then I lose me in it. So I wondered if you had strategies around that. And I also had another question around I loved you know, what is it?

Look like to leave and return. I would, I'm interested in more techniques to help regulate as you're navigating through conflict. So if that makes sense, because I'm in the moment, I'm hot. I don't, I, I can hold this forever or I can forget it, but I wanna like, I don't wanna engage with the feeling process, metabolize the feeling.

So curious around those two things. 

Kyrus: Yeah, absolutely. That's a, that's a great question. And I think that a lot of people do struggle with that. Again, no matter what the relationship is like when you're, when you're dedicating time with a partner and then dedicating time to yourself to what do you call it?

Process, and all that. So, I kind of separate it into I guess three different categories, right? So you have, share time, right? That's the intentional connection. So that's the hanging out, that's the talking, that's the, you know, watching something together, going on a date, that kind of stuff.

And then you have my favorite thing, which is parallel time. And I try to work that in as well. Where you're in the same space but you're focused on different things. Like there's nothing better for me than, 'cause especially as an introvert, there's nothing better for me than parallel time.

'cause I always say to my partner, your presence is my present. You know, if you're just there, like I'm good. Like, we don't have to talk, we don't have to like, you do your thing, I'll do mine. Right. I love that. So, I love the parallel time and then obviously the solo time where I I wanna reset and recharge and take a moment to kinda like breathe and return to me.

And I think that especially as men with ADHD, we need this a lot because our brains run hot, right? So if you, I think sometimes if we skip that solo time, I don't know if it's like this for you, but for me, if I skip solo time, I'm snappier, I shut down quicker. I am quicker to, with withdrawal in motion.

Right. I think with relationships, a lot of times people will only talk about the shared time, and that in turn, I think, creates this guilt and resentment because nobody can live in shared time nonstop. So what I try to do is try to just communicate that to my partner upfront, right? So I could tell my partner, Hey, listen, I need 30 minutes to just like reset, right?

Or if I tell 'em, Hey I communicate what I need, like if I want parallel time, like I'll communicate that and I'll just be like, that way that leads, that, that way they know that I care. They know that I'm present. I just need a little room, you know? And I guess when you are able to actually name it and communicate it with them, it takes the guesswork out of the relationship.

'cause I think sometimes the struggle will come from the guessing. Right when your partner is not sure why you want to be alone tonight, or why, or not sure. Like, when do we get to spend time together again? Like when there's that uncertainty, I think that's where the issues arise. So, I think that the key is to just communicate your bandwidth and to protect your, and I don't talk about a lot of this as a as an introvert content creator.

Protect your solo time without guilt. Protect your solo. Like, I can't repeat that enough. There's a book by that I have in my library here. It's a book called The Boundary Revolution. And it's written by my friend Judy, who who's a boundary coach. And the subtitle of the book says, decolonize Your Relationships and Discover a New Path to Joy.

And one of the things that she says in here. Because she talks about like, what having a fulfilling relationship and still reclaiming your inner peace. And one of the things that she says that she REIT, that she reiterates is that setting boundaries with your partner is not pushing them away.

It's just protecting is, it's protecting your space. That's all it is. If you wanna show up as the best version of yourself, you have to protect your space. Yeah. I think that answers one of your questions. What was the other que What was the other question? 

Kristian: No, thank you. No, and it helps and yeah, I think it might lead into each other.

So like, recognizing when you might need that. Right. So like, how do you reg regulate through conflict? So when those things come up, something's going on. We don't agree on the same thing. It's like, why did, why is it like this? And why is it like that? Like how do you, because we run hot, like how do you, can you gimme more kind of like regulation, like strategies?

Tactics. Like what do you use to like, in the moment? 

Kyrus: Like, oh, like you're saying, when there's a, when there's a. Misunderstanding with your partner in the moment? About like what you need? 

Kristian: Yeah. Yeah. It could be about what I need or just any conflict. Any conflict in general. But like, so I don't overreact.

I think sometimes when RSD is gonna flicker, if it could be anything small, like, why did you, did, can you pick this up? Or even if did you see that? Did you do that right? And now all of a sudden, 

yeah. 

Now I'm, I'm 14 again, and I don't have any yacht. It's like, 

Kyrus: it's fight 

Kristian: or flight free.

Kyrus: Yeah. I think like our ADHD definitely does not wait for the perfect moment. Right? I think that our brains fire very fast and our emotions fire fast, and our reactions are fast. And then suddenly we're just kind of sitting there thinking like, okay, what the hell did I just say? Or what did I just do that I did not need to?

Again, which is something that a lot of men with a DH, ADHD have to deal with. And I think sometimes like some people will just be like, oh, just push through to push through. And I don't think that's a healthy way. I think it's healthier to slow it down any way that you can. Right. Give yourself a moment to catch up.

Right. Because right now your brain it's like. Gung ho and find a way to apply in the emergency break a little bit. And so, like I was talking earlier about just taking a minute just to saying things like, Hey, I want to answer you, but I need a minute to just think this through.

Or just, or like, Hey, gimme a second to catch up. Or, Hey, I really, really care about this. This is really important. I need, for my own sake, I need to just slow down for a second. Right? So like, like finding a way to push the brakes, even if it's like temporarily I think is helpful. Another thing I think that you can do is a lot of times we get like this physical reaction to it sometimes too, right?

So like, when ADHD reactions are strong and especially in like disagreements, like sometimes, for me, my, my chest will get tight. My face will start to run hot. My heart will start to beat really fast. It feels like my body is like physically wrapping up, you know? So yeah, I would find a way to slow yourself down physically as well.

So I would say slow yourself down, both physically and mentally. 

Kristian: Thank you so much. I really appreciate that. 

Kyrus: Yeah, of course, of course. 

Marc Almodovar: So tell me this new terminology for me. The word slow and the word down. What does that mean? I've never heard.

Kyrus: I know. I just discovered it. I'm still trying to figure it out myself.

Marc Almodovar: Man. You got another hour and a half for a slow down meeting.

Kyrus: I dunno if I could present that one. I haven't figured that one out yet. 

Marc Almodovar: Ky, this has been really, really amazing. I loved the, the wealth of information that you bought and just how relatable you were throughout all this with sharing your own personal experiences to your cats coming in and out.

It, it really felt like a one-on-one hangout with you. And yeah, man, that was really a great value. And of course this will be a available on our podcast and YouTube and whatnot. And a, I think a really good resource for people who want to learn more.

Just not just about ethical non monogamy, but just communication and relationships and whatnot. This has a variety of potential for a variety of different audiences. I personally feel so. So as we start to wrap this up, is there, any projects that you are working on right now that you'd like to share with our community members?

Where can people find you? 

Kyrus: Yeah. Got, yeah. This is gonna sound like a joke, but it's very serious. I just launched a new fragrance and it's ADHD themed and it's called, why did I Walk into This Room? And it is on sale now. I'm not even joking. It is a real thing. It's a real thing that I partnered up with Super Bay and it's it's cherry pie with a hint of cinnamon.

And so I will send you I'll send you the link and you can include it. And that's on sale. And it is the number two selling fragrance. It's gender neutral. It's the number two selling fragrance on the market right now. So I'm very happy. 

Marc Almodovar: Whoa. Yeah. That's amazing. Yeah. Wow. And mind you, and that I look forward to checking that out myself.

Kyrus: Yeah. Yeah.

Marc Almodovar: And, and for a large portion of our community is always sharing your talks and, and reels and all that type of stuff. We see you all the time before the 2% of people that are not, that are in the ADHD community that don't know who you are. The vibe with Ky Yes. Podcast or 

Kyrus: Absolutely. You can visit my website, the vibe with Ky.com or on, at the vibe with Ky on every social media platform.

Marc Almodovar: Wonderful. Yes. And and obviously on everything on our end, we are the Men's ADHD Support Group Men's ADHD Support Group.org. And we're a nonprofit centered around conversations like this and just helping men feel safe and understood and providing education. Much like today, what everyone just experienced watching this so.

If you believe in this mission and want to support, please go to men's ad hc support group.org and please feel free to leave a donation or share it with somebody who may need this. So wonderful. Thanks for this conversation and I will talk to you soon. 

Kyrus: Right on. Thank you.